Things I noticed when watching Nigerian Home videos

Oh boy.
Nigerian mov…I mean home videos are essientially the culture of Nigerians brought to video form. All the kindness, love, greed, predjudice, hatred, understanding and Joy is espressed in the movies of my home country…more or less.
However, watching them has been fairly difficult due to certain things i’ve noticed as a casual watcher, which I’ve kindly listed below.

Here goes:

1. If you’re an Orphan prepare to suffer endlessly… anything that can go wrong will go wrong.Double if you’re disabled in some way.

2. If you’re adopted your parents will only love you so long as they have no natural children of their own. As soon as they do, you the adopted child will be treated as shit.

3. Never invite your relatives from the village to the city. They will cause more problems than they are worth.

4. For every Three rich men you see, 1 is involved in juju/blood money and the other is into fraudulent business. The remaining one is always in the shipping business.

5. The general worth of the movie can be determined by how many hairstyle changes the lead actress is allowed to have.

6. It has been highly suspected that 2.5 houses is sufficient to depict a variety of sets in any movie.
6.5. It is also theorized that these houses are often the directors private property.

7. Family resemblance is non existent. Two widely differing individuals are often presented as related by blood.

8. Medical facilities are often depicted as hellholes of despair, desolace and incompetence. Every three scenes where a hospital is shown someone dies.

9. Police brutality is police policy. Torture is a valid way of getting info from suspects.

10. If a woman’s husband dies, she should flee immediately. His extended family will either: A. Accuse her of killing her husband and enact degrading punishments or B. Seek to seize “their share” of the husband’s property which often means everything.

11. Juju is a valid method for romantic conquest.

12. By their castings you shall know their plots. Nollywood actors and actresses are in my own subjective mindset far more typecast than their bollywood/hollywood counterparts. Thus by seeing their faces on the poster of a movie, one can 85% accurately predict the general plot of the story.

13. There is no point in getting involved with the royal family on a romantic basis. If you’re not killed by a rival, you’re going to be framed for a crime you didn’t commit or be a casualty of the scandals and power struggles that go on within the palace walls.

Yeah this is hardly a complete list of Nigerian movie trends that I’ve noticed but they cannot be denied!

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Gaea’s Knight: Hibee, GDT: Taiye and Edirin and further things i plan to do!

first a pic of Hibee i finished just a few hours ago! isnt she adorable?

hibee

Now back to business.
After the first block of all three stories is complete, that is GTD (done), Gaea’s Knight and Last son of halios, i’ll proceed with character bios of all the main characters in the series up to that point. As i progress with the stories, I’ll update them as needed.

to end this, here’s a pic of Taiye and Edirin also!

taiye and edirin

Gaea’s Knight 4

“Jide…. Jide! JIIIIDDDDEEE!!! Would you wake up already!”

“Leave me alone Bisi… I need my sleep time.”

Jide lying in bed, pulls the covers over his head in an effort to reenter the sweet bliss of slumber.
Standing over him, Olabisi Omoyemi arms folded, stared in disbelief at her older brother.

“It’s already 1:30 in the afternoon! How much longer are you going to stay in bed for you lazy arse! Mum said you were supposed to help clean the house today!”

“Where is mother?”

“She’s gone to the port. She said there’s an issue with the processing of her goods.”

“Well that means she won’t be back till late. Now act like a good girl and leave my room.”

Bisi stood there for a moment glaring at the body double wrapped in covers before her. Biting her lip, she looked around the messy room that was her older brother’s and finally smiled when she saw his open bathroom door.

“No problem brother.”

Going to the bathroom, Bisi grabbed a bucket, opened a tap and filled it with water. Dragging the bucket out of the bathroom, she cursed as she almost tripped on a stray sneaker. Now right in front of jide’s bed, Bisi let out an evil smirk as she in one clean, swift motion poured the contents of the bucket on his head.
His scream of shock and rage was also swift yet quite messy as Jide staggered off his bed coughing and gasping for air, his body and clothes completely soaked.

“What is this!!! ARE YOU MAD BISI!!!”

He manages to shout as he sees his sister’s hurried exit from his room.
On the pursuit, Jide chases her from the main corridor to the parlor of the house.

“Stupid girl!!! Don’t let me catch you!”

As she leaps over the couch, Jide attempts to grab her and fails tripping over it and falling unto a stool.
Getting to his feet, Jide winced as he rubbed his right shin which had hit the stool edge hard. Looking around he cursed as he realized that Bisi had escaped from the house.

“Jide! What is going on here! What is… why are you wet?”

Sitting back on the couch, Jide let out a soft gasp as aa quick shot of pain went through his leg.

“Oooww. Ask my brat of a sister. Always looking for my trouble, Never leaving me alone. See me now? I’m wet, my leg’s hurt and now I have to dry my mattress outside!”

Kunle Omoyemi stared at Jide with a worried expression on his face. Walking to a nearby drawer in the parlor, he brings out a container of mentholated cream.

” Maybe this wouldn’t be happening if you didn’t always bully her and beat her.”

“Don’t make it sound like i’m the bad person here! She’s always testing my patience. I’m pretty sure she was born in the pits of… ouch!”

He winced as Kunle knelt in front of him and began rubbing the cream into his leg.

“No matter how annoying you percieve her to be Jide, if you acted the role of a caring elder brother, you wouldn’t be fighting all the time.”

“Maybe if she stopped acting like I was a stupid ape….”

“Jide?”

“Nothing… I hear you.”

Jide muttered as he stared at the black screen of the tv in front of him. In a few seconds, Kunle was done and was already rearranging the stools and couch.

“Hey Jide let’s go and dry your bed out and don’t worry about Bisi, I’ll talk to her.”

Jide looking distracted, nodded his head.

“Do smell something? Like flowers…”

“What are you talking about there aren’t an……..”

****
Opening his eyes, Jide found himself on a bed in a large spacious room with large windows that allowed the glow of the sun to enter. Sitting up and looking around Jide saw that the room was furnished with a large table and six thick wooden chairs.
Seated on one of these chairs feasting on what seemed to be a mixture of earth and soup, was a petite green humanoid with brown hair and yellow eyes. On her head was a single pink flower that twitched from time to time as she took mouthfuls of her meal. Spitting a pebble out of her mouth her eyes widened as she saw the stunned Jide staring at her.

“Friend! You’re finally awake!”

She said as a large smile appeared on her face. Jumping off her chair she dashed to Jide giving the surprised human a big hug.

“I was worried at first when you fainted but I’m so happy to see you’re okay!!”

“Errrr…”

Jide politely but firmly pushed the plant girl away as he looked around in confusion.

“Where am I? Who are you and why are you here with me? How did I get here? Why do you smell so sweet?”
The plant girl’s face darkens at first but a spark of realization soon appears, causing her to blush her cheeks turning a shade of yellow-light green.

Getting of the bed, she dramatically sits on the floor facing Jide with her expression as serious as her features would allow.

” My name’s Hibee. We’ve met twice already… the first time you scared me and the second time you’ve saved my life. Smelling sweet? That’s a first for me. But thanks Errr…”

She says while scratching her head absentmindedly.

“Jide. Jide Omoyemi”.

“Oh ok Jide Omoyemi. We’re in the town of Illien. The place that you supposedly wrecked before we met the second time. No no don’t worry, you’re not in any trouble their Elders said they just wanted to talk to you…”

She quickly spurts out as she noticed Jide’s alarmed expression.

“Don’t worry! I made sure they didn’t do any fishy stuff on you while you slept. Soooooo…What are you? you kinda look like an illienze but like wrong somehow.”

Stepping back onto the bed, Hibee begins poking Jide on the arm.

“Ooohhhh… your skin’s all soft and meaty…not crusty or stiff. You’re really not an illienze. That metal form you turned into though was amazing! Oofff!”

She grunted as Jide pushed her off him again. Staring at her in wonder Jide straightened himself on the bed.

“Sorry… I’m just not used to this whole situation. And the metal thing is new too.”

“It’s a really nice look for you.”

Hibee says as she gives Jide a large smile.
The sudden opening of the door puts a stop to their conversation as a familiar face warily peeked from the door-frame his unblinking eyes fixed on the pair seated on the bed.

“Oh you’ve woken up… The elders would like to speak to you as soon as you’re able to…”

The illienze paused biting his lips ashe considered his next words.

“Is there anything you want before meeting them?”

“FFFOoOOOooODDD!!! And water! Lots of it!”

Hibee blurted out as she leapt off the bed and picked up the empty plates from the table, dumping them into the illienze’s hands.
Turning back to look at Jide, she gives him a sheepish look.

“Anything else friend?”

******
Sunny sat on a tree branch overlooking the compound of the hut where the metal creature and the florin were being held. She had no idea what the elders where thinking, not just leaving him alive but bringing him back to Illien. Had they gone senile? Did they just want to test their power against it? No matter. Grasping the bow slung over her shoulder, Sunny hissed. The moment that monster made a wrong move she’ll put an arrow in him, no matter what the florin tries to do.

“Oi! That cannot be healthy.”

An apple struck Sunny’s head nearly causing her to fall off the branch she was on. Rubbing her head she looked down as she glared at the plump Illienze below her munching on an apple.

“Pettie, what was that for? You near made me fall mudbrain!”

Stifling a chuckle, Pettie threw another apple which Sunny caught. Taking a seat at the base of the tree, Pettie let’s out a low whistle as she weaves a small hole in the earth which she hurls the remains of her apple.

“Sooo are you obsessed or what?”

“If you’re here to get on my case Pettie you can just leave.”

“If only I could, except being your best friend I’m under mandate to talk some sense into you when you start acting crazy.”

“Me acting crazy? Its these old fossil elders who decided to bring him back to Illien, after what he did!”

“But you’re the one who went hunting for him when he escaped and even found him. Now you’re standing vigil over its dwelling like a guardbeast. If that’s not obsessed or at least a lil crazy, then what is?”
Pettie said as she glared up into the branches of the tree where Sunny was seated.

“Don’t you feel… responsible for it?”

“Nope.”

“But it’s here because we brought it here. You saw what it did. If it does something like that again…”

“It’s not our concern anymore it’s the elders problem now.”

Pettie suddenly stands up hands akimbo, and stares directly at Sunny.

“Enough of this lone warrior stuff let’s go have fun at the river! You know your skin flakes when it gets too dry!”

“It doesn’t! How dare you say such baseless things!”

Sunny blushing jumps down from the tree and chases after a fleeing Pettie who’s laughter echoes down the street.
Unseen by either of them a small cat watched from the branches even further above, a small smirk appearing on its face.

****

“I’m sure it’ll be okay Jide… Illienze are a fairly peaceful people. So I’m certain there’s nothing for us to worry about..”

Said Hibee as she sat beside Jide in a large room separated into an upper level and a lower level, sorta like a panel or a court of some kind.
It was difficult not to get nervous about the situation on ground. After being escorted by at least a dozen armed illies..Illienze through town his nerves were quite frayed. It reminded him of the times when he got in trouble for fighting and he was called to the principal’s office.
Suddenly the sound of people coming in roused him from not his thoughts.
As the three aged illienze took their seats on the upper section the tallest of them wearing a stern expression on his face declared.

“Now that everyone’s present. I believe we can proceed with the questioning”

GDT 5.

So the conclusion to the beginning of GDT.

Taiye trembled as he faced the red entity which towered over him. Just the previous night this creature had handily captured and nearly killed him. Yet 24 hours later, here they stood in the dark forest, facing each other for a rematch, the difference being he actually willingly went for it this time.
The Dogbeast remarked that it was rather impressive for a fleshling to bring himself to an Etern battle after seeing what he was capable of.
Taiye asked if he was no longer the host of the golden Etern, would he be safe from further attacks. The Dogbeast shook it head admitting that the moment he got involved he had been marked for death.
Taiye grumbled that basically fighting was his only option. Edirin annoyed shouts whether they were just here to talk or settle this.
In a swift response, the dogbeast released his pack of dogs on the them, with taiye’s body leaping out of their repeated lunges.
Landing on a tree branch, Taiye hissed as Edirin materialized a blade and leapt at the Dogbeast only to be knocked back into the tree. Slashing through the attacking dog and dissipating it, Edirin in control darts around and behind the trees, slashing the Dogbeast’s constructs and dodging their attacks.
The Dogbeast comments that they are moving much faster than he anticipated but…they aren’t truly in sync, as one of his dogs finally gets the drop on them, biting fiercely at taiye’s left shoulder.
Managing to dissipate that dog, Taiye remarked that they were losing, Edirin tells him to shut it, that they still have a chance.
Making a mad dash through the grass, Taiye’s leaped at the dogbeast only to be grabbed and flung into a tree. Before his body could slide down the bark, the Dogbeast’s arm morphed into a giant maw and smashed him right through the tree. The Dogbeast smashes Taiye repeatedly on the ground and trees and only stops when it accidentally hurls him out of the forest and into the river.
A badly beaten Taiye drags himself out of the water with a materialized Edirin’s help. As Edirin apologized for bringing him into that situation, a dazed Taiye asks her to help him. Since he’s too battered to jump around anymore, her method of fighting is off the table. When asked Edirin says that she could create any weapon that either of them can think of.
By the time the Dogbeast had made his way through the forest to their position, Taiye was standing aiming a translucent golden pistol at the red Etern.
Smiling weakly at the Dogbeast, Taiye fires several shots which the Dogbeast dodges with ease before smacking him to the ground.
As Taiye lay before him bleeding, the Dogbeast admitted that had the fleshing had any time to actually train this battle could have been fairly easy for the Dogbeast to lose. Too bad for him that he…
Boom! His shoulder suddenly explodes and his arm dissipates as it falls to the ground. The Dogbeast tries to reform it’s arm but fails. Then a second, third, fourth and fifth explosion riddle it’s body to shreds. The shots made earlier had curved when they missed to properly hit their intended target.
Taiye with the gun in hand, struggled to his feet staggering to where the ragged torso of the Dogbeast lay helpless.
Standing over him gun pointed at its head, Taiye demanded answers to what was going on and why Edirin the golden Etern was being hunted by her own, what they were and how humans were involved in this.
Sighing bitterly, the red Dogbeast admitted that the question of what an Etern was wasn’t a fair question. Eterns are Eterns. Creatures of a formless world, one which was filled simply with shades of color. The brighter an Etern’s colors, the more powerful and/or important it is. There are five ruling colors, that together rule their world. And their leader would be often times one possessing a golden color. Normally, the golden Etern is born/ generated from within one of the ruling families. However as with Edirin, golden Eterns not born from the ruling families are considered a threat and a nuisance. So basically, the ruling colors held a sport where representatives of each color would compete to destroy the golden Etern, the winning representative would become the new leader of the ruling colors. It the Dogbeast was originally supposed to simply capture the golden Etern and return so that the sport could be held, but seeing as things have turned out, other plans will be made.
This world of forms fascinated the Eterns, humans most of all due to the power up gained from joining with them as apparent now.
Having heard enough, Taiye shoots the Dogbeast in the head. As Dogbeast dissipates, Edirin materializes and absorbs the leftover energy.
Before either could relax, a small silvery light appears before them. Too battered and tired to move, the two expect their lives to be ended by this new entrant.
However the silvery Etern congratulates Edirin for surviving her first battle. It tells her that with the defeat of the red dog beast, the golden hunt has been started. However due to constraints and in order for things to be fair, it has been decided that for a period of five months, Edirin must fight against the five representatives of the five colors, one per month. If Edirin wins all five battles, she would be left alone, but there is no need to explain what happens if they lose since the dog beast had already explained everything.
Without waiting for a reply, the Etern fades away, leaving an exhausted Taiye and Edirin lying on the rocks as their wounds healed during the night.
The next few days were very busy as the village was in uproar over the destruction and ruckus that had occurred overnight around the forbidden forest.
Taiye spent a lot of time not on the farm as he usually did but helping to clear the broken branches and tree parts that had been scattered all around the forest.
A week after the incident, as Taiye lay in bed tired from all the work he was doing, Edirin materialized sitting on his bed. She noted that there was only three more weeks before they had to fight another of her people. Taiye nodded in agreement and noted what the dog beast had said in its final moments. That together they could be powerful if they had time to practice.
As Edirin’s light reflected off his face, he made a decision. He was going to survive this. He and Edirin will get strong. Looking at the door of his room sadly, he had considered many times whether to tell his relatives anything… but to be honest, he did come here as a problem kid.

“I’ll handle this myself. I just need to not die while i’m here.”

End of first arc.IMG_20141009_160850

GDT 4

In a dim space filled with blurry specks of light that darted around fitfully, a red orb materialized. Spinning in place it waited. In response five lights, blue, red, green, white and purple surround the orb making an orbit around it.
The voice that comes out of the orb identifies it as the dogbeast. It pays respect to the four colored etern families, the uncatchable blue, the immense red, the creative green, the explosive white and the destructive purple.
As the colors circling the orb acknowledge the greetings, they ask in unison how the mission they have given the dogbeast in the world of the flesh.
The dogbeast told the colors that the mission was unlikely to succeed as it now stood. The golden light, it noted had not just found a human host but it had formed a symbiotic bond as well.
Most of the colors grumbled and gasped, but the purple light simply hissed. No matter how talented the golden light was, the symbiotic bond was only as powerful as those who weld it. A newly formed bond wouldn’t be capable of much if it were nipped in the bud. After a bit of an argument, the colors came to an agreement. The dogbeast could kill the golden child and especially the fleshling host if it’s capture proved too difficult.
After thanking the colors for their understanding and mercies, the red orb fades away to nothingness.
The Green light tells the Red light that it has used half it’s allocated chance, to which Red grumbles bitterly. The blue light responds that Red should be happy if dogbeast succeeds, everything ends in Reds favor so Red shouldn’t grumble.
*****
Taiye wakes up to find himself in the shade of a tree by the village river, girls and boys fetching water and washing clothes in the distance.
The golden etern’s voice rings in his aching skull, happy that he finally woke up. His wounds had healed hours ago but despite her best efforts could only drag his body to the shade before it got too bright. Before Taiye can respond, It tells him to think the words he wants to say, in order to prevent the villagers from suspecting him of anything.
Advice noted, Taiye asked why the etern seemed so happy that he woke up. From his experience it had no problem using his unconscious body to fight.
“Edirin”
The golden etern told Taiye that’s the name it wanted to be called. Edirin apologized to Taiye for using his body as a puppet but it was a mixture of her having no choice and the incredible luck of finding a host that was fully compatible with her. A rare thing indeed.
When Taiye asked why she had no choice, Edirin explained that where she came from Eternia Lapor, was a place beyond this world that humans like him lived in. It is a world of everything and yet nothing. To an etern color is life, an etern without a color cannot express itself much less get a name/rank. In turn the brighter the color the higher your status. There were five ruling colors: blue, red, green, purple and white each with their own unique attributes.
When Taiye asked about why Edirin was gold, she basically sighed admitting she didn’t know why as she only became golden recently. The only thing she knew was that she had been marked for death once she turned leaving her no choice but to come to this plane of existence.
Taiye asked what was her plan now that she had gotten a host, only to sigh when he hears that she basically will fight to live. He asks her whether she had thought her actions through before coming to the conclusion that Edirin wasn’t too bright.
Edirin apologises again for pulling him into this but begs him to help her fight because she doesn’t want to be taken back home.
Before Taiye could ask any more questions, he hears Ade calling for him. As Ade sees him still sitting underneath the tree, he berates his cousin for leaving the house without telling anyone. Taiye apologises, telling Ade that he had simply gone out for a morning run and has fallen asleep while resting.
Ade hissed, telling him that their grandfather had warned him just this morning that some strange things have started occurring in the village near the forbidden forest and that they should be extra careful.
Taiye agreed, and got up as he was nudged towards another day of hard labor in the farm.
Later in the dark of night as Taiye laid in bed, he heard Edirin’s voice telling him that it was time. Getting up from his bed, he quickly changed to shirt and shorts while Edirin had materialized into a petite slender form with wat seemed to be strands of energy connecting the two of them. Edirin tells Taiye to hurry up as they cannot allow the dogbeast to find them first unless seeing his family dead was part of his interests.
As they walked to the entrance of the forest, Taiye asked Edirin what was their battle strategy… Edirin basically said just go with her movements and hopefully it’ll go well.
Suddenly a large energy pools right in front of them forming the shape of the dogbeast.
“Hmmm… I do not know if you are stupid but no one can call you a coward.”